A Fist a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

YEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!

2005-10-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

Hey there folks! It's me, FistingChamp. I know I haven't been around much lately, but I keep up with y'alls blogs periodically. I'm sure I've lost a lot of readers due to my inactivity, so today I'm gonna try to make it up to y'all by creating a post that is as fisty as a fist can get. Because really, isn't that what this blog is all about? Isn't the fist the reason I am here typing and you are there reading? Oh yes, it is. So let's take a look at some recent fisters that are lucky enough to have their smiling faces and orifices grace this world-wide intershnitzle.

Here we go with some good ol' fashioned self-fisting. These Do-It-Yourselfers get the FistingChamp golden star of fisting excellence.

It can be lonely fisting all by yourself, so these ladies had a friend lend a helping hand. That's what friends are for, last time I checked. Let me go check again, brb .... yeah, I just confirmed with my sources that friends are for fisting.

Take a look at this cool cat. He better be careful not to lose his watch in one of these middle-aged women.

Now here we have something that is relatively new in the world of fist fucking - Throat Fisting! While certainly not the most enjoyable mode of fisting for the women involved, oral fisting serves only three purposes that I can recognize. Primarily, I believe the act is a display of dominance where the fister can have their way with the hole of their choosing. The fister may take pleasure in the discomfort they are causing, as the fistee's gag and get teary-eyed. Secondly, the gagging caused by oral fisting brings forth a mucous slime that serves as a robust lubricant for subsequent sex acts. Lastly, the fister may choose to shove a fist down their partner's throat while in the act of vaginal or anal intercourse, in which case the gagging reflex causes the pussyhole and asshole to contract tightly, giving the fister a nice squeeze. Clever maneuver eh? Maybe not a good one to try on the first date without asking first.

Oh, and I forgot to mention ... the obvious dangers involved in oral fisting include being bitten and getting puked on. But hey, some people are into that, and that's OK.

The last item I would like to bring to your attention is a chick getting fucked up the ass with a baseball bat. Why? Because it is some FilthyMcNasty, and that's what it's all about ... and love ... and the Hokey-Pokey. But mosty FilthyMcNasty. I wonder if there are any co-ed softball leauges in my area.

On that note, keep it nasty and I'll check back in with y'all on the flip-flop.

Fist away, fist away, fist away, fisty-land.

Loretta Lynn Knows How to Use Her Fists

2005-08-10T01:30:00.000-07:00

Fist City

A you´ve been makin´ your brags around town
That you´ve been a lovin´ my man
But the man I love, when he picks up trash
He puts it in a garbage can
And that´s what a you look like to me
And what I see´s a pity
Close your face and stay outta my way
If ya don´t wanna go to fist city

If ya don´t wanna go to fist city
Ya better detour around my town
´Cause I´ll grab you by the hair a the head
And I´ll lift a you off a the ground

I´m not a sayin´ my baby´s a saint ´cause he ain´t
N´ that he won´t cat around with a kitty
I´m here to tell ya gal to lay offa my man
If ya don´t wanna go to fist city

Come on and tell me what you told my friends
If you think you´re brave enough
And I´ll show you what a real woman is
Since you think you´re hot stuff
You´ll bite off more than you can chew
If you get to cute or witty
You better move your feet
If you don´t wanna eat
A meal that´s called fist city

If you don´t wanna go to fist city
You better detour around my town
´Cause I´ll grab you by the hair a the head
And I´ll lift you offa the ground

I´m not a sayin´ my baby´s a saint ´cause he ain´t
N´ that he won´t cat around with a kitty
I´m here to tell ya gal to lay offa my man
If ya don´t wanna go to fist city
I´m here to tell ya gal to lay offa my man
If ya don´t wanna go to fist city

Here I am .... Rock you like a hurricane

2005-08-09T00:40:00.000-07:00

It is a rare occasion that I actually write anything in my blog. But right now I have some time to kill and would like to share some thoughts with everyone out there in cyberland. First of all, I am going to take this opportunity to educate you all on the topic of fisting. In previous blogs I provided detailed instructions on how to fist and the benefits of fisting. Since you obviously know how to use the internet, chances are you have been exposed to fisting in one form or another. What you possibly didn't know is that fisting is not necessarily the violent, forceful act that you see in raunchy porn pop-ups along with incest and horse cock. It is an advanced sexual technique, often employed by the lesbian population but enjoyed by persons of all sexual orientations, that invovles the insertion of a hand or "fist" into an orifice (vaginal or anal) followed by a gradual progression of thrusts that build up to a what can potentially be a full-blown fistfuck. Fist fucking can be painful and hazardous to your health if not performed correctly, so here are instructions for all you beginners.

http://www.sextutor.com/fisting.shtml

Being a huge Clint Eastwood fan, I really like the title of this lesson, "A Fist Full of Pussy: Fisting Made Easy". How clever.

In this next article, from the Lesbian Life section of About.com, fisting is described as, " an act that requires patience, arousal and lots of lubrication." With a difficulty rating of "hard" and a time requirement of "at least a half hour," you can't have a quicky fisty. The instructions provided in this article are much more detailed than in the previous link. Check it out.

http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbiansex/ht/HowtoFist.htm

Have I mentioned you can fist yourself?

Or if you prefer, you can enjoy a heated game of "hand ball"!

From that last site, if you go back to the main index you can also read tutorials on how to deep throat, eat pussy, and prepare yourself for getting it up the ass. So if you didn't know, now you know.

Here is a good story of a gay mans first fisting experience ... you should read it, gay or not. The title is quite humorous, "My God, I've Got My Hand Inside You". The internet has got it all.

So, that is your fisting lesson for today. All these links are meant to be purely educational, not for you to get off on ... so fucking learn something and don't masturbate. In a future post I will give y'all some nasty fisting porno images so you can see how it's done by professionals.

Till then, have a glorious day.

And goddammit, I just wrote a huge post about fistfucking .... I better get some fucking comments or there is something wrong with you people.

FUCK YOU!!!

2005-07-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Must have flipped off the wrong mutha fucker. No one is gonna wanta fist with that nasty Frankenstien hand.
Parrot! Stupid birds.
Funny gothic bunny japanese teen, so rebelious.

I wish he would do this more often.

Fffffuuuuuccccckkkkkk yyyyyyaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's The End Of The World As We Know It ......... And I Feel Fine

2005-07-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

Some say the end is near,
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this stupid shit
Silly shit
Stupid Shit

I found this awesome website that goes into detail on every possible scenerio by which the world as we know it will cease to exist. From mass insanity of the human race due to genetic deterioration, to an iceage, to the Viking religious legend of Ragnarok and the giant flying wolf, to an age old battle between the X and Y chromosomes ... not fought by women and men, but the chromosomes themselves. This site has cool pictures and really does a thourough job brainstorming our demise.

If I had to guess how the world will end, I'd have to go with the zombie theory. Either that or the Verneshot theory.

What do you think?

Something Smells Fishy

2005-06-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

And you thought you were kinky.

See where you stand on the Fetish Road Map.

I'm Not the Man They Think I Am at Home, Oh No, No, No . . . .

2005-06-30T01:11:00.000-07:00

I'm a Rocketman.

Yeah, so I found some gay porn on the good ol' intergizzle and I found some pictures of parrots and cockatoos and did a little photoshop handiwork. The end results were these two sexually explicit photos that capture the secret lust between one Geekbird and one Underhill. Photo-editing so realistic that most people couldn't even tell it was doctored, even I forgot a couple of times. And it only took me about 10 minutes!

New Videos!!!

2005-06-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!

I know it's been a long time, but I finally changed the videos and I intend on changing them again soon. I haven't been posting much lately and there is a very good reason for this. The reason is that I haven't really felt like it. Why? Eh, I don't know, don't care. Just because I'm not posting much does not mean that I am not here in blog world, because I am. I come and I read what everyone else is writing, I look at all of your blogs and read all the comments as a silent observer. When I stumble across something that evokes some kind of opinion out of me I will let you all know.

Oh, y'all will love this. I came across a fisting site that is both informative and entertaining, called Fisting Free. I like the name, it's subtle in a way. At a glance you might assume it's a porno site with free fisting content, meaning you don't have to pay for it and it probably sucks. But really, with the "Free" placed after the "Fisting", I interpret the meaning to be relating to the personal liberty we have to engage in fisting if we so desire. The freedom to fist, fisting freely, without social or legal constraint.

Whatever. I chuckled at the description of "Clean the Bird". When you "Clean the Bird", you "Reach your open hand into the opening as though it were Thanksgiving day and you were probing into the bird to clean out the innards. Once you're inside, feel around and though you were looking for the little bag of gimlets. Make the receiver cluck like a turkey for fun." That has to be the best part, making the receiver cluck like a turkey ... but if you are really a hardcore Bird Cleaner you finish the act with 4 hours in the oven and then eating the receiver with cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, and gravy.

This site is also pretty cool, no porno here, just detailed instructions and a nice fisting story. Bitch and Moan.

Do You Like American Music?

2005-06-22T17:07:00.000-07:00

We like all kinds of music.

But I like fisting music best .... baaaaabbbbyyy.

Here are the lyrics to the song Stinkfist by the enigmatic Rock and Roll band Tool.

I think it's funny that when this video was being played on MTV, they didn't reveal the title of the song .... but instead called it something like "Track #1" .... is "Stinkfist" really worthy of censorship?

Read the lyrics and tell me what it's all about ... I think it goes a little deeper than just fisting, but you be the judge.

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
and I wouldn't have
It any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not have me any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.

2005-06-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

Here is something for the children. Bert is clearly fisting Ernie up the ass! He looks kinda angry too. How do you explain this one to the kiddies?

Here, some more fist action for y'all http://custurd.b3ta.com/lets-fist-again/

How Shall We Get High Tonight?

2005-06-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

Oh, you have a big bong?

Papaver Somniferum ... activate my mu and take me to Xanadu

2005-05-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

I love you and all your sexy children.

What a beautiful flower with magical power. I'm talking about morphine, codeine, oxycontin, fentanyl, heroin, opium, methadone, and endorphins. Thank you Afghanistan. You rock!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opiate + Cocaine = Speedballs!!!!

Do You Value Your Time?

2005-05-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

If you do, then maybe you should avoid these links. However, if you are getting paid right now and time wasted time is essentially free money please indulge in this entertainment.

This game is stupid, but fun.
http://www.ventoline.com/frozenbubble/bustamove640.html

I got a couple laughs from this blog. If you know anything about fashion you may be interested. There are some fine humanzee models wearing bitchin' knits.
http://www.threadbared.com/

Thank you Threadbared for this racially charged picture!

Mmmm Drugs. I want more drugs. Please send all types of drugs to ME. Contact me for mailing adress.

Yeah, I am not kidding. Do it!

The King

2005-05-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

I Am Anti-Underhill

2005-05-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

Fuck Underhill and all who side with his inflated ego. Porn and Cheese and Scotch are mine and they will aways be mine.

You have been fistfucked to prolapse and have lost your porn, cheese, and scotch priveleges.

Doomsday Is On The Way!!!

2005-05-18T21:37:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this link again because I'm not convinced that anyone looked at it last time I posted it. It really cool, I swear. It outlines every possible way by which the world as we know it will cease to be.

I'm just curious, how do you think the world will end? If'n you reckon it will.

http://www.exitmundi.nl/exitmundi.htm

A First Hand (or Fist) Account

2005-05-18T02:33:00.000-07:00

If you people don't already know, there are quite a few fisting blogs in existence today. Recently I came across this post which I thought was worthy of re-posting here in my blog. So, since I am lazy and haven't been up to writing much lately I leave you with J and "Unwrapping the Layers". Enjoy.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Fisting

“The secret of a good fisting is to seduce the body into doing something it doesn’t expect that it can do.” – From The Loving Dominant by John Warren, Ph.D.

I wrote a little earlier about kinky Saturday night bingo games, and the ultimate penalty. Hitting the ultimate penalty number one Saturday night was how I got fisted the first time.

How to write this without sounding too, you know, clinical? ‘Cause, let’s face it – from one point of view it’s like the most intrusive pelvic exam ever. And we all love our pelvic exams, don’t we ladies?

Anyway, Himself had seen some information about fisting in The Loving Dominant, and wondered if he could do it. We didn’t know that we were skipping ahead to the advanced BDSM level. (We tried fisting before we tried many other things, including any sort of anal play.)

For those who don’t know, fisting is not having a person pound their closed fist into your vagina. The hand is in much more of a duck head shape with the fingers extended. The process is slow and gentle, and requires lots of lube. I’ve given birth four times, and I’m certain that this has something to do with the relative ease of fisting for me.

I say relative because it’s not like he can just pop his hand in there. Even with the hand in a duck’s head shape, the knuckles (the widest part of the hand in that position) are still a formidable challenge. I have to be in a very high state of arousal before the tissue will give. When I am right on the verge of orgasm, the muscles will release and let him in. It’s an absolutely amazing sensation.

The Loving Dominant describes it like this:

"A single finger at a time, you touch and tantalize. Only when the body is comfortable with the intrusion do you add another finger. The process is not a simple progression. For best results, it is more a series of advances followed by slight withdrawals. Both verbal and tactile communication should continue throughout the process with the intent of soothing the submissive’s very real fears and building the sexual tension.

The crux comes with the insertion of the thumb and the advance of the knuckles through the quivering ring of tightly stretched muscle. The alignment should be up and down rather than horizontal at this point, and generally entry can be made with a gentle rocking motion rather than a direct push.

Once you feel the muscle closing around your wrist, pause for a moment and reassure the submissive that everything is all right. Then, begin a gentle series of motions with your encased fist."

I read the blogs of other submissives and how they feel when they have a collar on. I don’t have a collar, and I don’t know if Himself wants to put one on me. I don’t know how I would feel about it if he did.

I do know that when he is fisting me I feel incredibly submissive; owned. I guess it’s hard not to feel owned by the man whose entire hand is inside your body.

The first time Himself fisted me, as his hand finally slid all the way in, I came mind-blowingly hard.

As the spasms faded away, I opened my eyes to see him watching me.

Then I started sobbing. And giggling. And then sobbing again. Weird.

It was like the circuits in my brain that control emotion had been temporarily fried by an orgasmic power surge. Apparently, my body simply didn’t know how to react.

As soon as I came, the muscles clamped down again, with his hand still inside me. Removing his hand was actually more uncomfortable than putting it in – it’s amazing the sensations that are pleasurable when you are aroused. After that he learned how to time his exit so that his knuckles were out past the sphincter of muscle when my orgasm was over.

This is FistingChamp here again. Busty, I see that I have some homework to do and I will take care of that next time. Adios.

Damn, I Smoke a Lot of Cigarettes

2005-05-11T01:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I smoke a lot of fucking cigarettes. I've already gone through a pack today, and I went through a pack yesterday, and probably the day before that although my memory doesn't permit me to think back that far. Oh yeah, I was visiting family and then driving back home in the evening ... smokin' down the highway. Reckon I oughta quit 'for I catch me a case of that "cancer" I hear so much about. Or "emphysema", if that disease really even exists.

Maybe I'll quit soon. Yeah. That's what I'll do. And I'll be healthy from now on. And I'll only eat vegetables and cheese and animals and maybe yogurt. I've been told that yogurt is healthy because of all the live bacteria in it. The bacteria line the inside of your eating/shitting tube and help you with food intake and shit production I assume. I wonder if there is any place where you can just buy the bacteria alone. I would like to just buy this bacteria by the handful. Has anyone actually ever seen what a big glob of bacteria looks like? I guess I have seen pretty big globs of bacteria in the lab, but never a full handful, maybe a teaspoon and a half at most. I wonder if it tasts good. I'm guessing it tastes more like feces than anything else, but that's just based on the fact that I know that feces is full of bacteria, and also I have smelled bacteria growing in culture and it typically smells like shit. Maybe if you could roll it into a ball and deep fry it, then it would taste delicious - like a crunchy black falafel or something that tastes like blue cheese, infact maybe then it would be good to dip it into a blue cheese/yogurt dipping sauce with some sassafras to spice it up. I don't even know what the fuck sassafras tastes like, but I hear that it can be used to make sarsaparilla, a carbonated drink flavored with an extract from sarsaparilla root or with birch oil and sassafras.

sassafrassassafrassassafrassassafrassassafrassassafrassassafrassassafrassassafr
ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Huh, that's cool, if you stare at the letters long enough it doesn't even look like the word ass after a while. It starts to just look like some design or shape or something with no meaning whatsoever. My eyes hurt now.

I'm gonna smoke another cigarette now and get in bed and finish reading Nietzsche's "Beyond Good and Evil" now. I swear some day I will rise to power and I will crush you all. Tonight I will have sweet dreams of domination ... look out world.

Mail me free stuff. I don't care what it is, as long as it's free (no feces please).

What the Fuck

2005-05-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hello Everybody!

I haven't written anything for a long time. And I really don't have any explanation for you ... not that I feel you deserve one anyway. But nonetheless I am glad to be back and glad you are reading this. I know that I am long overdue on changing the fisting video, I was much too ambitious in thinking I would change it daily, but whatever, these fisting video clips never get old anyway. If there is anyone from Kansas City reading this blog - please, go fist yourself ... with two hands.

If you really want to know what is taking up a lot of my time right now, you can visit this website that I am frequently taking notes from. You just gotta love tumor suppressing genes ... and hate oncogenes, but I'm pretty neutral on proto-oncogenes. They really aren't trying to cause trouble, in the cellular sense.

Goddamn I want a fucking burrito, or a hamburger.

Happy Fisting,
Goodbye

Fucking Blog

2005-05-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

My blog has slowly deteriorated to a pile of shit, I still post some good pictures, but what about the writing. That's really the meat and potatos of the blog. So here you go, some words to read:

YAYAYAYA
Holy shit fuck'n-A cockballs and twat douche.
Shoobity-doowap, uh Christopher Reeves,
Sonny Bono, skis, horses, and hittin' some trees

Here's some new info. I'm temporarily taking down the videos because I hate they noises they make every time I go to my blog. Fuck that. I'd much rather have silent movies, because no one wants to hear some chick moaning about a fist in her ass when the boss walks by at work. Unless you are fucking your boss and trying to subtely hint that you want to fist her/him. So maybe some people will come back and start reading this shit again. And I'll try to write some more shit as it comes to me. Fucking cocaine, rots my fucking brain. Grrrr. I never understand why I do this shit when every time I dislike the feeling I end up having. AAAAAaaarrrggghhh. Nastiness.

The Grudge

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity. Calculate what we will or will not tolerate. Desperate to control all and everything. Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end. Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell.

Saturn ascends, choose one or ten. Hang on or be humbled again.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end. Saturn ascends, comes round again. Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done.

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity. Calculate what we will or will not tolerate. Desperate to control all and everything. Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Wear the grudge like a crown. Desperate to control. Unable to forgive. And we're sinking deeper.

Defining, confining, controlling, and we're sinking deeper.

Saturn comes back around to show you everything Let's you choose what you will not see and then Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again Spits you out like a child, light and innocent.

Saturn comes back around. Lifts you up like a child or Drags you down like a stone To consume you till you choose to let this go.

Give away the stone. Let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor. Give away the stone.Let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold. Let go.

Have You Ever Fisted A Baptist Fundamentalist?

2005-05-03T05:35:00.000-07:00

If you have, good for you. Keep up the good work.

I recently came across this website which told me that I am going to burn for eternity in hell, as well as most of the rest of you. I also learned some other interesting fundamentalist beliefs, such as:

Women have no souls.
God wants us to dress and groom ourselves in a very specific manner.
There's no such thing as evolution.
Scientists work for the devil and will burn in hell.
Vegans are evil and will burn in hell.
Catholics are homosexuals and will burn in hell.
Democrats work for the devil and will burn in hell.
Tampons were invented by Satan and if you use them you will burn in hell.
Bush and Cheney are doing God's work.

And much much more.

I really hope this is all one big not-so-funny joke.

Shit On A Stick

2005-04-09T04:31:00.000-07:00

Since I don't feel like putting the time and thought into writing anything tonight, here is a new quiz for y'all.

Which Unwanted
Sexual Gesture Are You?

Made by the fine folks at
daylighttwilight.com

Licking of the Face? Whatever. This is bullshit. Everyone knows that I am the Fucker with the Fists.

How D'ya Like Dem Apples?

2005-04-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad that I can post video clips now! Aren't you? You may have noticed that there are two spots that I am now posting videos, one at the top of the sidebar and one at the bottom. I am going to attempt to change the videos every night or maybe every 2 or 3 nights if I'm lazy, so they will be fresh and new. I mean damn, how many times can you watch that guys fist go into that terrified girls butthole? I'm not trying to inflict psychological damage here. I just want to shed some light on fisting, bring it into the public eye and have some fun! And if the public eye dares to look away or close itself, I swear on my own two fists I will poke it with a red hot paper clip and force it to stay open with a contraption similar to the one used in "A Clockwork Orange".

Anyway, here's how it's gonna work. The top video will always be something that is NOT fisting. It will either be something comical, musical, impressive, nostalgic, educational, political or artistic. It may even be sexual, but it will in NO way have anything to do with fist sex. Now the bottom video, on the other fist, will ONLY show fisting and nothing else ever, never, ever, ever, never,neva ev, neverino, novinvine, eggggrrrgggg! So, I will adhere to that format. I will try to keep things interesting and vary the types of fisting scenarios I post. So the first clip was a brunette fisting herself in the v-hole, now there is a blonde being fisted up the bum by a man. So maybe next time I'll post a girl fisting a guy, or a guy fisting a guy, or a girl fisting two other girls, or the Carl's Junior commercial where the chick sticks her whole fist in her mouth, or an orangutang fisting a duck-billed platypus ... whatever I can find on this here intershnitzle.

I hope you guys aren't too shocked/disgusted/offended, because I do like haveing visitors here in the Land of Fist and would be quite sad to drive you away ... although I'm sure that there will be a steady flow of fetish freaks in the future coming to see the action. I put the fisting on the bottom though, so if you want to read my latest posts without seeing the fisting video it is possible as long as you don't scroll down too far. Then if you just turn down your speakers you won't hear the fisting either, so you can totally get around it if you want. But what's the fun in that? I'll be damned before I turn my back on the principles on which this Blog was founded. You may be able to pry the blog out of my fists, but you will never, ever, be able to take the fists out of my blog.

2005-04-01T23:43:00.000-08:00

I know that y'all have been itchin' to see what the Champ looks like so I am posting this pic. I'm not in this picture, but I thought the "spirit" or "essence" of the image was reminiscent of myself. The look on the face, the stained black shirt, antennas, general sloppiness - all too familiar. I'd like to point out the ways in which I differ from this brilliant man. Fist, I don't wear bracelets and hippy necklaces. Secondly, I have larger genitalia. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I use much more duct tape ... I'm talkin' 'bout a whole fuckin' lot more.

2005-03-25T12:36:00.000-08:00

This is quite clever. I should have tried doing this when I was in highschool.

In The Midnight Hour, She Cried "MORE, MORE, MORE!"

2005-03-23T22:53:00.000-08:00

With a rebel yell, she cried "more, more, more" ...

... more fisting that is.

You are a Radical. Right on!

What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

So, I finally gave in and took one of these quizzes you guys have been posting. It was a surprisingly amusing way to kill time. I think I will take another ... I'll let you know the results.
I know a hippy and a folkie ... and now I am the radical. I think I can dig that. Fight the power. Blow something up. I better leave it at that. The last thing I need is a reason for the CIA to get on my ass.

Cheesy Fistfuck

2005-03-21T01:53:00.000-08:00

I love cheese. I have for a long time. Recently I have noticed that many people love cheese. This cheesy love seems stronger and more passionate than that of other foods and drinks. I decided to look into it a bit and found some interesting information. There is actually a chemical component to this love involving phenylethylamine (PEA), which evokes horniness and arousal in the cheese eater. Take a look at these sites to read about sexy cheese eating experiences. I am still looking for information regarding fistfucking and cheese ... I'll keep you posted.

Quesadildo
Blue Cheese Orgasm
69 Incredible Sex Tricks Cheese comes in at #29
Sex It Up With Stilton
Lots of Good Links

Fist ya later. Eat Cheese.

I Wanna Be Everywhere Where People Is Doin' Aawt

2005-03-21T00:09:00.000-08:00

Wow! I just stumbled upon some great fisting related artwork. If you like demented sexual imagery, as well as some beautiful landscapes/nature scenes, I suggest you follow these links and take a look at the artwork of Gerald Collings.

http://www.artgc.com/
http://joebardi.blogspot.com/

Gerald, if you happen to be reading this, I would love to see some more fists in future work! Thanks!

I Love My Girl

2005-03-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday, and I must say it's been a good day. Mostly thanks to the efforts of my wonderful girlfriend. She is beyond awesome. Sweeter than sugar, hotter than molten lava, and with a wit sharper than a Hitori Hanzo sword. This post is dedicated to you babe. I love you forever and always. XOXOXO

2005-03-17T00:43:00.000-08:00

FUCK TED NUGENT. WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE HUNT NUGENT!!! HIS SPECIES NEEDS TO BE EXTINGUISHED!

2005-03-17T00:41:00.000-08:00

That little kid is Kurt at age 10

2005-03-17T00:39:00.001-08:00

Elvis was fuckin cool.

2005-03-17T00:39:00.000-08:00

Kurt and Goldie

2005-03-17T00:38:00.000-08:00

I think the kid is Wyatt, but who cares? We'll see him in some crappy movies sometime soon I imagine.

2005-03-17T00:37:00.000-08:00

SQWAUKK!!!

2005-03-17T00:36:00.000-08:00

"No one will be able to tell how high we are on this PCP as long as we keep the glasses on ... and we look like badasses

2005-03-17T00:35:00.001-08:00

Going home to fist Goldie.

2005-03-17T00:35:00.000-08:00

Smug bastard.

2005-03-17T00:34:00.001-08:00

ok, seen it already.

2005-03-17T00:34:00.000-08:00

Fuck you Ted Nugent.

2005-03-17T00:33:00.001-08:00

Happily non-married long time couple.

2005-03-17T00:33:00.000-08:00

"That's right, my name is Snake, and I have an eye patch, and I have a scruffy beard and shaggy unkempt hair, and a gun, and I ride a motorcycle, and I'm always staring at you ... that's how much of a badass I am"

2005-03-17T00:31:00.000-08:00

I think he's going for the masculine, Fabio, romance-novel-cover look in this film.

2005-03-17T00:30:00.001-08:00

Yep

2005-03-17T00:30:00.000-08:00

"The one eyed pirate is always watching you"

2005-03-17T00:29:00.000-08:00

Couldn't do any better on this one.

2005-03-17T00:28:00.001-08:00

The cover says it all.

2005-03-17T00:28:00.000-08:00

If you can't take the heat, get the fuck out of the kitchen ... pussy.

2005-03-17T00:27:00.000-08:00

See how nutty he is? He insists on eating endangered elephant meat every third tuesday of the month. That's why he plays guitar so well.

2005-03-17T00:26:00.000-08:00

Asshole friend of Kurt, Ted Nugent. "Freeze you goddamn Californian Condor, your ass is going on the BBQ tonight cuz yous are just a stupid bird, and I'm a shitty musician with a gun." It is rumoured that unicorns, centaurs, and cherubs all used to live in abundace across this great nation until Nugent came along with his tiny pecker.

2005-03-17T00:23:00.000-08:00

Good ole Sly.

2005-03-17T00:22:00.000-08:00

"Argg, don't fuck with me, I'm a scruffy pirate ... just tryin' to escape from LA .... got it, punk"

2005-03-17T00:21:00.000-08:00

Here's Goldie on "Laugh In", what a freak! Still hot, but for godsake, why do women cut off their hair?

2005-03-17T00:19:00.001-08:00

But then I'd probably get shot

2005-03-17T00:19:00.000-08:00

Young hot wife Goldie ... oh yeahh .... I'd fist that

2005-03-17T00:17:00.000-08:00

Kinda mullet, kinda gay ... sensitive bad ass

2005-03-17T00:16:00.000-08:00

Bad Ass Wyatt

2005-03-17T00:15:00.001-08:00

Old Elvis

2005-03-17T00:15:00.000-08:00

Young Elvis

2005-03-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

Looking dapper.

2005-03-17T00:13:00.000-08:00

Only 3000 more miles to go

A Tribute to Kurt Russell

2005-03-15T22:45:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, Thursday, March 17th, Saint Patrick's Day, the day before my birthday, we have another truly great reason to celebrate. It was upon this day, in 1951, that a star was born; a small, somewhat dim star, often outshined by all the other brilliant stars around him - but a star nevertheless. Yes indeed, it is Kurt Vogel Russell's 54th birthday.

Kurt entered show business at 10 years of age, hand-picked by the late Mr. Walt Disney himself to act in the Elvis movie, "It Happened at the World's Fair". To this day Kurt is a huge Elvis fan. In 1979 he had the opportunity to play the role of Elvis in the TV movie, "Elvis: The King Lives On!" which, from what I have heard, was an excellent biography, even if you don't like Elvis. But if you don't like Elvis - fuck you. More recently, in 2001, Kurt Russell starred in "3000 Miles to Graceland", a flick about a group of ex-convicts who decide to rob a casino during Elvis convention week. And did you know that he did the voice of Elvis that was heard on "Forrest Gump"?

You may be saying to yourself, "Geez, Kurt Russell is such a great actor. He must have really had to work hard to gain the fame he has as an actor today." And you are absolutely wrong. Kurt Russell never really wanted to be an actor, he wanted to be a pro-baseball player. And he was for a while, playing 2nd base for the California Angels in the AA leauge. This combination of acting and baseball was more than likely modele dafter his father, Bing Russel, who was the deputy sheriff on "Bonanza" and a baseball player. He died on April 8th two years ago.

Kurt Russell's acting career started early and was going strong with films like, "Escape from New York", "Used Cars", "The Thing", and "Silkwood", but then it took a nose dive. He proceeded to play roles in mediocre movies like, "Swing Shift", "Overboard", "Big Trouble in Little China", "Winter People", and many, many more. He probably would have been bankrupt and homeless had Patrick Swayze not dropped out of his role in "Tango and Cash", giving Kurt's acting career a much needed jump-start. In a similar scenario, Kurt got lucky with "Backdraft" as Dennis Quaid had been the first choice. Anyway, he married Goldie Hawn during his shitty movie phase and had a kid with her named Wyatt. Probably after one of the best characters he has played, Wyatt Earp in "Tombstone". He had been married once before to Season Hubley and they also had a son together, Boston. Kurt went to Thousand Oaks High School with Kramer from "Seinfeld" graduating in 1969 and voted by his peers as best looking. Kurt has a private pilot's licence, a 72 acre estate named Home Run Ranch just outside of Aspen, and also has an asshole friend named Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent is a fucking prick who wanks of with a guitar in his hand and is obsessed with guns and killing animals, especially really magnificent animals like elephants and the endangered Bison. Kurt was Nugent's best man when he got married, and they are both proud members of the NRA. If Nugent doesn't ring a bell ... maybe the songs "Wango Tango" and "Cat Scratch Fever" ring a bell.

Anyway, in tribute to Kurt Russell and what has now become the day of his birth as I continue writing, I am posting a photo compilation of the many faces and friends of Kurt Russell. Enjoy.

Here a Fist, There a Fist, Everywhere a Fist Fist

2005-03-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

I have a few spare minutes right now and thought y'all might have been hurting for some new fisting news and entertainment. The past month has been bustling with fist fucking activity. On February 23rd, a fisting proposal was brought before the Colorado Capital during a heated lawmaking discussion between two nutty House leaders. Rep. Bill Cadman, a republican from Colorado Springs, put Rep. Val Vigil, a democrat from Thornton, in check with the threat of an anal fisting...to be performed on Val, by an enraged Bill. Here's what happened:

Right-Wing Nutjob Bill Cadman Told Val Vigil He Was Going to Shove His Fist Up Vigil's Ass

Well, it's good to hear the fist getting some recognition in the Capital. I'll get to some more news in a bit, but first I wanted to quote some Shakespeare.

From Pericles, Prince of Tyre. Scene VI. In a Brothel.

"Bawd: ... use her at thy pleasure; crack the glass of her virginity, and make the rest malleable.
Boult: An if she were a thornier piece of ground than she is, she shall be ploughed.
Mar: Hark, hark, you gods! ... Thou hold'st a place, for which the pained'st fiend of hell would not in reputation change; thou art the damned door-keeper to every coystril that comes inquiring for his Tib, the choleric fisting of every rogue thy ear is liable, thy food is such as hath been belch'd on by infected lungs."

Whatever. I never though Shakespeare was that great. But I'll give him a little more credit now ... I especially liked the "malleable" comment.

If you are the political activist type, you may be interested in joining up with an interesting group of fisters who were recently honoring and remembering the assassination day of Malcom X (Feb. 21). The group is called FIST : (Fight Imperialism -- Stand Together) and they are really raising a stink all over the place. Good job fist fucks.

Oh NO!!! Loretta Lynn is getting old. At the age of 69, nearing 70, Loretta Lynn survives her late husband and is still touring all over the place, rockin' out. Despite a bout with pneumonia and a bad back, this fire-cracker wont settle down and can still please a crowd. She is just a hard-core, country, pistol-whip of a woman. If you've never heard any of her work, check out the songs, "Fist City", "Don't Come Home a Drinkin' (With Lovin' On Your Mind), "Your Squaw Is On the Warpath", "If You're Lookin' at Me (You're Lookin' at Country)", and "You Ain't Woman Enough (To Take My Man). But really, ya gotta love "FIST CITY". Rock on Loretta, we love you.

Back to the Fisting News. The Supreme Court of Kentucky has ruled that "fisting" could be prosecuted as a "sexual activity" in a 6-1 vote. The issue came up over some asshole named Kevin Ray Hillard, 29, who offered a 15 year old boy twenty bucks to put his fist up his ass. The kid did it and Hillard then gave further instructions to "hit him and call him names while continuing the fisting".

What the fuck.

I'm tired. I'm leaving now. Fist on all y'alls out there in cyberland.

Oh, and thanks a lot for dropping by my blog, I really appreciate it, so much. Really. I'm not even being sarcastic, that's how much I really mean it.

My Day

2005-02-24T21:26:00.000-08:00

I did nothing today except watch part of a movie and heat up some chilli, but I might have found a solution. I sent some E-mails out and made some calls, the troops are coming. Anyway, the blog isn't dead yet, it will linger for awhile before I find the time and energy to delete it. So I'll still post something from time to time ... just don't expect it to be considered "active" ... at least not as active as some others you may read. I just don't have much more to say about fisting I guess ... and I don't know much more to talk about other than fisting. So have a fisty day and fist someone you love.

And in the end, the fisting you take is equal to the fisting you make

Disassemble

2005-02-23T22:23:00.000-08:00

I had a whole lot written here. And I spent a long time editing it. Making sure it was what I really wanted to say. But I erased, and it's probably for the better.

Don't expect much more from my blog.

Today I wake up vomitting

2005-02-13T07:57:00.000-08:00

I arise to greet the day with violent heaving and buckets of vomit spewing from my throat. But it makes me feel better. I guess I had a rough night last night, but all I did was a little oxyC, some whiskey, some vodka, some coke, some beer, some valium, and a little mary jane. That shouldn't have been a problem .... but then in my late night intoxicated state I stuffed myself with Burger King and my friends left over chicken curry and minestrone soup ... and more whiskey and coke. But I feel good now and am ready to start anew.

Fuck

Awesome

2005-02-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

I take my last post back. I got a new comment today and it has renewed my blogging spirit.

Fist on party people.

You Aren't Reading This

2005-02-11T02:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I am dissapointed. I think my blog is pretty cool. It is unique, original, cutting-edge, extreme, informative/educational, funny, shocking, and well-written. I thought the subject matter would be great conversation fodder and I would get all kinds of funny responses, opinions and stories. But no. I think there is only one person who even comes and looks at my blog besides me (and for that I love her with all my heart). The rest of you can kiss my ass ... or speak up and say something about the perversion I expose you to.

I'm not even into fisting, nor do I fist, but for God's sake, the last thing I would want to do is write about my real thoughts and daily happenings. I am the fisting champ for you people. I fist for you. To shock and entertain you. To arrouse emotion - be it a gasp of disbeleif or a smitty smirk, or sopping wet vagina (I know it's true ladies). Tell me what's going on out there - on the other side of this screen I stare at. AAaaaasssss mmmmmmmyyyyyy bbbbrrrrraaaiiiiinnnnnn sllllooowwwlllyyy rrrrooootttttttttttttttttssss.

Eh, Fuck this blog, give it the double fist blog-fuck supreme.

Fuck

I'm going to sleep.

This blows my mind

2005-02-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

I thought I knew a thing or two about the fist, but I am mild compared to these guys. I mean, Jesus Christ, at some point I it ain't fun anymore! Like when a man's hand is so far up another man's ass that he can squeeze his heart. Fuck. These guys are way too hard core. If you are brave, explore this website. Apparently, there are a lot of gay fisting parties happening in San Francisco regularly (every saturday night). There is even fisting music at these parties and, of course, fisting ettiquette.

You should also take a look at this relevant anatomy. This reminds me of the heroic tale of Lemmiwinks ... I mean, Jesus Christ!

My birthday is around the corner!

2005-02-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

Need a gift idea? How about this cool T-shirt?

Here I am .... Rock you like a hurricane

2005-02-07T16:12:00.000-08:00

I'm starting again ... so grab your ankles

2005-01-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah!!!!! I'm back! I'll write something later, fuck off.